Is there anything as wonderful as the first cup of coffee in the morning while watching a new day begin? Probably, but this morning I could not think of one. That dark brown hot liquid opens my eyes just as the trees emerge at dawn, shimmering from last nights rain. Their branches stretching to greet the sun as a new day is born....as am I, born again this day. Not in the biblical sense, but mentally in this time and place.
Writing has always been a necessity for me. My thoughts, feelings and rants have been put on paper ever since I was a moody, maudlin teenager. Scraps of anything I could write on to capture a moment in time.. I have saved most of these. Some make no sense at all and some I can barely decipher as my writing was fast and furious.
Now that I am older and these hands do not cooperate like they used to, it becomes impossible to read what I write. I attempted to record these thoughts by typing, but I have never been adept at typing because #1- I have never mastered the skill without looking at the keyboard and #2- my mind races faster than my fingers can type. Alas, I will not give up (or in) and try again. The need is stronger now at this time to record my thoughts and memories. It is important to me, for my daughter, grandson, sisters, friends and new found family members to know me as I am now and how I have changed. I am not speaking of physical location, although THAT certainly has played a big part in my new found peace of mind and self awareness.While my past certainly plays a part of how I came to be, it does not define me nor has it allowed me to change, which I have-profoundly. I know this may sound self-serving and egocentric. This is not my intention. I want this to be a historical, insightful and personal view into one woman's life.
I wish my parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles would've had such a forum to let us see who they really were. All we have is our limited perception of who they were, what they did as evidenced by our relationship with them or from a photo taken long ago, allowing us to view them physically, but revealing little of who they really were.
The change in me has taken place slowly over the past two and a half years. Some of it profoundly eye opening, some of it subtle, but most of it a"sock it to me" blunt force, hard hitting smack in the face reality check. This was a force so strong I could not ignore it and believe me, I tried.
Looking over my life, my choices seem to follow the same patterns, yielding the same results. While the roads I've taken may have been questionable, I have committed no crimes, except unto myself. I guess I really don't regret anything if there was a lesson to be learned, but what did I learn and at what price?
In writing this blog, I intend to examine those roads with all the twists, turns and potholes, reflecting on my past while I embrace my future. I will chronicle who I am, opinions, rants, reviews and sometimes just thinking out loud on paper. All of it will be 100% ME, as I am now and maybe a bit of who I was then.
I invite you to come along and enjoy the view.
No comments:
Post a Comment